Stress Sucks
September 22nd, 2005Take caution gentle readers… the mistress of the haus is in a foul, foul mood.
Work was the worst today! I’ve got unbearable deadlines as four major projects loom like dark, heavy clouds just on the horizon. And these clouds, they aren’t your regular, garden variety black clouds. Hell no, dear hannihaus readers, these particular clouds signal something more sinister.
I am afraid, gentle readers, that a shit storm is a-brewing, and I, Employee Supreme, am on the front line waiting for the ugly, and quite possibly ungodly, fall out.
Ever spent an afternoon contemplating how to clone yourself in an effort to increase productivity using only those tools immediately available to you – i.e. paper clips, highlighters, and those breast milk pills you take for indigestion?
Guess what? I have.
So yeah, in an effort to cope with my S-T-R-E-S-S I’ve found myself needing a little something to get me through the day. No, I’m not talking about alcohol. I’m hardcore.
I like to put a little something on my tongue.
I might be an addict, but I’m not ashamed. My drug of choice, it’s no bake cookies. And guess what? I’ve just had a half dozen of those tasty little bitches.
…And I know what you’re thinking. You’re like Oh My God, Miss Veggie Queen is eating something that wasn’t harvested from the earth just this afternoon. But you know what folks? I can’t believe I’m saying this – because I’ve certainly never said it before and I’ll probably never say it again – but this dear hannihaus readers, this is no time for nutrition!
Regardless, I realize the cookies will run out soon, and I’m too lazy to make more. That being said, I need to learn to cope real quick. I’ve tried breathing, running and yoga, but I gotta be honest, I don’t find downward-facing dog all that relaxing. Staring at your belly button while bent in half like some crazy jackknife, well that’s more screwy than soothing.
But I digress.
Anyone else got any ideas on how to beat the workin’ woman’s blues? Be a saint and share, why don’t you?
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
September 22nd, 2005
Well…I guess the way to beat the workin’ blues…is to quit your job…
Glad I could help
September 22nd, 2005
I will have to agree with Fil. That is why I quit mine. Now all I have to do is get moved back to the east coast and find another one. Being unemployed is interesting though. Though it is certainly not what you might want for a long term solution.
Then again Hanni, perhaps all you need to do is think back to your days of sorting through keys and driving the purple golf cart all across campus. Where would you rather be?
September 22nd, 2005
Maybe you should try Camel Pose…
I think shopping, especially wandering around Target aimlessly for hours, sex, and having your hair done are also wonderful stress relievers. And if all else fails I usually just threaten my co-workers with my stapler. You’d be surprised how quiet they get when you wield the ol’ swingline.
September 23rd, 2005
When I get stressed at work I like to do something at my work place that is a bit strange. In example:
1. Put an old keyboard in the refrigerator
2. Over head my own name to pick up my own extension
3. Buy a box of donuts. Tape a “free donuts” sign to them. Place them on top of the toilet. Then come in and check every once in a while to see how many are missing
This way I’m still doing my work, but I have something else at work to think about besides the stress of the deadline. Then again I don’t keep jobs very long, so maybe you shouldn’t listen to me.
September 23rd, 2005
Fil - good to see you at the haus. Yes, that’s one solution, albeit not entirely tempting as I truly do like my job, it’s just every once in a while, right around the end of a quarter, when bonuses are on the line, things get a little crazy.
That reminds me of that song… “Oh we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little craaazy.” Anyone else know this? Am I just retarded?
Katey - Hey girl, I haven’t heard from you in forever! Hmmm suusi sweatshop or A Very Hip Software Company writer extraordinare… I’ve gotta say writer. Thanks for helping set my priorities straight!
Erin - ROFL. I’m seriously trying your suggestions. Stay tuned!
Phineahs - I wanna work with you! Toilet donuts?! How original. Weird stuff in fridge though, I’ve been there, done that. Mostly I put old phones in the fridge though… not sure why, really.
September 23rd, 2005
Got this in my e-mail the other day…it may prove helpful to you in your current state of mind:
14 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY:
1) AT LUNCH, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIRDRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
2) PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON’T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.
3) EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.
4) PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT “IN”
5) WHEN TRYING ON CLOTHES IN A DRESSING ROOM, YELL OUT “THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE”
6) IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE “FOR SEXUAL FAVORS”
7) FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH “IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY”
AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
9) SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THRU ORDER IS “TO GO”
10) SING ALONG AT THE OPERA
11) PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA AND PLAY TROPICAL SOUNDS ALL DAY.
12) WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM “I WON, I WON!”
13) TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, “DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.”
14) NOW SEND THIS EMAIL TO SOMEONE TO MAKE THEM SMILE. SMILING IS THE BEST THERAPY
Hope this helps!
September 23rd, 2005
This is great - thanks!
September 23rd, 2005
i prefer instant messaging all and sundry about work shitstorms and, consequentially, how much the universe hates me. of course, this doesn’t help with the actual doing of the work, but bitching about it makes me feel soooo much better. oh, and wine. many many bottles of wine.
September 23rd, 2005
Good call Maggie. As have massive employee party/blow out I will make use of your alcohol coping strategy. Instead of wine however, I will be drinking martinis.
Lots and lots of martinis.
September 24th, 2005
How bout’ going to Las Vegas to see a male review
?
September 24th, 2005
Man about town, I knew I didn’t come up with that idea about paging yourself on my own. I totally stole it from that list and didn’t realize it! I’m such an idea plagiarizer!
September 25th, 2005
Niccy b, are you trying to give me a hint?
September 25th, 2005
When time permits it’s a must! Combined with gambeling and a lil booze any stress you thought you had will be forgotten
P.S. when asked during a job interview how you destress at the end of a stressful day, do not mention booze, gambeling or strippers. You may not get hired. - Helpful hint of the day from recruiter, Nicole B.
September 26th, 2005
Hey doll,
Remember the day we put all that junk in the frig? Remember when the wicked witch asked us to clean it out…hahah….so we put “James and the Giant Peach” and boxes of phone cords adn everything else we could dream up!
That was a day of hilarity.
I laugh just thinking about it.
-Soph
September 26th, 2005
Niccy B - Hahaha. No stippers, booze or gambling when being professional… gotcha.
Sophie k - Those were the days. Oh yes, those were the days…