Regardless, I’m Still Not Shaving My Legs Today
September 18th, 2005Back in February 2004 the Onion did a satirical piece about the razor wars entitled “Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades.” From the article that brought us this tasty jingle, “Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet,” we also read the following:
You’re taking the “safety” part of “safety razor” too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let’s hit it. Let’s roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let’s dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren’t on board, then fuck you. And if you’re on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I’m the only one who’ll take risks, I’m sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of “this is how we shave now” A.
Obviously, in 2004 the idea of a five blade razor was ridiculous. Today, according to CNN, it’s a reality.
There’s an old saying that goes, “It’s funny, because it’s true.” But perhaps, in this case, the saying should be “It’s funny, and then it’s true.”
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
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hannibehr
September 19th, 2005
Hey Hanni!
I enjoyed reading your blog this morning…I love the way your mind works. I’m not shaving today either…I can barely handle one blade without injury - never mind five blades!
September 19th, 2005
Haha! Thanks Mary! Good to see you at the haus. Yeah, having grown up in Alaska, land of long-pants-year-round, I can hardly bring myself to handle the lady bic more than once a week. Plus, i have to keep the razors hidden in the drawer (my cat likes to shave himself with them), and if the razor is not immediately accessible while i’m showering, well, i’m not shaving.
September 19th, 2005
My grandfather shaved with a straight razor (like a miniature machete), my father with a “Safety razor” (a double-edged blade held in place by a screw down apparatus), both of which required holding the razor at a certain angle to prevent digging into facial dermis or severing the carotid artery during the process. Now I’m supposed to place 5 sharp razors and 2 “lubristrips” that are battery-powered against my skin??? I can see the whole thing going crazy and chopping my face up while lubing it at the same time!
It’s time to become a “Mountain Man”!
September 19th, 2005
I think you’re right MAT. We’ve gone too far. The lubestrips - let’s just face it. That was overkill.