I realize that in many ways, I am the Grand Poohbah of nerdiness. For example:

• I delight in wedging spinach, like veneers, over my front teeth so I can look at whoever else is in the room, smile big, and watch for a reaction

• And while I’m not that guy who’s into nose mining in traffic, I am definitely am that girl who’s having a full-on rock and roll experience, punkpop blaring, mouth wide like a fish, fists pumping in the air as I travel the highways and byways in my little, red Corolla

• Additionally, I talk to my house plants – some even have names like “Mountaineer” or “Wendy”

• I wash my cats with black tea (all natural, no chemicals!)

• I have a favorite pair of socks – the ones with the pink birds. I have a ritual that every time I don them, I have to say, “Only flamingo socks can save me now!”

• On a biweekly basis, I discover (usually after I’ve been wearing them four or five hours) that I have my underwear on inside out

• Because of the unusual frequency of its use, I’m considering keeping a running tab of how many times someone uses the cliché “latest and greatest” at A Very Hip Software Company

• I have a standard joke I tell whenever the opportunity presents itself. It is not really funny, and for some reason, I often tell it around bald men.

My joke:
Q. What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backward?
A. A receding hare line

See? Not funny really.

In any event, what prompted this missive is this article someone sent me last night about the video game widow, a woman who became so enraged at her unemployed fiancé’s obsessive online gaming that she sent him to that big Legend of Zelda convention in the sky.

I’m sorry, but these people who play computer games are NERDS – the type that needs capitalized for emphasis. One only needs to go so far as the message board comments featured along side this little news byte to figure this out. Take for example, this tasty little morsel from one “Tabard”:

Honestly man, I think I’d rather kill myself than have to spend another hour out in Eastern Plaguelands farming Larval Acids. Junk mobs everywhere, very few spawns that drop them, a low drop rate, and the item I’m collecting them for needs eight to boot…

Eastern Plaguelands? Larval Acids? Junk Mobs? Wha?

If you are as confused about this jibber jabber as I am, breathe a sigh of relief, you are not a game nerd. Conversely, if you understood any of the above, please take all that money that you are spending on online gaming subscriptions and instead make a one-time purchase of a little Hasbro classic called Operation. This foray into the world of medicine will be good for you Game Nerd, as you need to have your head checked anyway.