We took a brief respite from our breakneck programming, testing, selling, supporting and writing to party doon at A Very Hip Software Company yesterday. It was an amazing day, but now I’m sad because I think I’ve peaked. I’m pretty suspicious that I just had the Best. Work Day. Ever. And I fear that like the loss of Lindsey Lohan’s boobs, it’s all down hill from here.

The atmosphere of said party, alone, was ridiculous. The helium-balloon-to-employee-ratio was probably 5:1 and the $80 spent on donuts, bagels and various other bad-for-you baked goods was probably overkill considering we also had catered lunch, candy, chocolate bars, chocolate milk, champagne, brownies, cookies, milk, etc.

And in the name of excess at work, I rode that sugary, caffeine-laced, faux-food train all the way babies. In retrospect, this was probably a mistake. I realize now that this gluttony is merely a one-way ticket to fat ass ville. Plus, now I’m all constipated.

In case you were wondering, it sucks.

The best part of the party was probably the grand finale, wherein said festivities took a more action-packed turn as a massive rubber band fight ensued. Rubber band fights are nothing new at A Very Hip Software Company. Part of the company culture, just about every day of the week, at some point in the day, I’ll hear the snap of a crisp band as it hits some poor schmuck right in the keester.

And then I hobble back to my desk, trying to look cool, like it didn’t really hurt when I got that stretchy missile lobbed at my voluptuous, easy-target of an ass.

But I digress.

But yesterday’s rubber band fight was the greatest I’ve ever witnessed. Employees from every department and level snapped bands like their lives depended on it. A regular war zone, rubber bands sailed through the air like kamikaze jet fighters, crashing into their targets with no remorse. We even had a bit of a matrix moment when rubber bands, caught in streamers hung from helium balloons, slowed their flight, producing futuristic, psychedelic tri-color waves.

Above the din of said fighing, a lone voice could be heard shouting gleefully, “Productivity is at an all time low!”

And that, my friends, is why I love my job.

Posted in Food, Uncategorized