The other day someone e-mailed to ask, “Hey I noticed your last name is XXX. Are you by any chance related to the XXX bible translation company?”

I replied, “Not that I know of, but I could be wrong. XXX is my name by marriage.”

E-mail sender responded, “Oh, so I take it XXX is your husband’s name?”

Uhm, well typically that’s what “by marriage” means bonehead…

But after thinking about this question, maybe it’s not so absurd to request clarification about the status of a name. For example, if I had said XXX was my name by divine birthright, you may shake your head and wonder. If I said XXX was my name by order of the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen, you might feel a little confused. If I said XXX was my name by the grace of a good and glorious circus chimp named Mr. Sweetcheeks, well you might want to delve a little deeper into that one… but more than likely, you would simply question my sanity and end the conversation right there, lest you be associated with someone who’s ¾ of the way to cuckoo and rising.

But I digress.

And by the way, what kind of person is intimately familiar with the brand names of bible translation companies? What kind of strange bird is so intimately familiar with the religious publication industry that he would feel compelled to take a few moments of his day to e-mail some gurl with a funny last name? And what the hell is a bible translator anyway? And should I feel bad about using “hell” and “bible” in the same sentence? What about using “gazpacho” and “marmalade,” because I think gazpacho and marmalade might be a good name for the mystery dish that occupies the fourth serving tray on the hot bar at Golden Corral on Friday nights. And speaking of Golden Corral, why not just call the place Diarrhea Corral, because that’s what happens when you eat there.

And another thing is… I’m spent. Happy Friday everyone! The Secret is still coming.