Dude, the smelliest man in Blacksburg sat in front of me on the bus today. His odor was a little like boiled dumplings and sour cream. And since boiled dumpling and sour cream smells a lot like pit funk, one could deduce that the smell was not pleasant. It sort of reminded me of Nickolai.
Serial Killer Dad met Nickolai soon after his illegal immigration into the U.S. Nickolai had been a wealthy artisan in Russia, but in Alaska he was just a poor carpenter with a thick accent. One day Nickolai invited the fam over to his and Olga’s place for dinner. We dined on boiled meats – very smelly boiled meats. To chase down the meal, Nickolai brought out his jar of Kimchee he had buried in the yard months before. Again, the food was smelly. Of course, the grand finale involved many many shots of Vodka – we were dining with the Russians after all.
Poor Serial Killer Dad and Step Mom – they like honey liquers, box wine and imported beer – they are not exactly the straight-no-chaser vodka crowd. The problem of course, is that to refuse “wadka” from a Russian host is practically sacrilegious. So I watched as Dad grimaced and gulped, drink after drink. Then, he slowly turned pink, and a little bit giddy. This was somewhat distrubing, considering Daddy-O typically appears stern and imposing with his wild tangle of black hair, dark european features, and enormous biceps.
In fact, at one point, Dad, in an effort to look more villanous, had Step Mom draw several versions of “Evil Goatees” on his chin with her eyeliner pencil. After consulting with us kids about which version of the E. Goattee made him look the most like a serial killer, (hence the nickname), Dad began to grow said goattee. And what a scary Dad he became! But not really.
Anyway, the whole point of this story is that the Russian food smelled, so did the dude on the bus. Also Dad got drunk, and his goattee made him look like Disney’s Jafar.
file this under: the sweet smell of reminiscence
