Posts published during November, 2001
Thanksgiving with Gma and Gpa was mahvelous! We had a lot of fun and learned maybe more than we wanted to know about eachother. For example, during the course of the holidays grandpa confided that grandma had bought him a leapard print thong that he wore to work once, but it kept getting stuck in his crack. He also told me had a huge collection of speedos, one of which is flourescent pink. I’ve seen grandpa in a speedo before. It was rather horrifying, but I gotta give the old guy props. It takes guts to wear a speedo when your 76 years old.
Gma and Gpa also gave me any food i wanted and introduced me to some new ones that were suprisingly good. We had pickled okra, peaches and apples during thanksgiving dinner. They were all pretty good, but i’m a huge fan of the okra now. Weird for a northern girl, i guess. Also, vlasic pickles – i’ve never had them and i’m sad that 21 years of my life have been spent without them. I have a bottle in my fridge, and am sure to eat one atleast every day.
dear vlasic pickles:
How do i need you?
well can’t you tell
I need you like a penny needs a wishing well…
how do i love you
well let’s count the ways
there aint no number high enough to count this phrase
Wrapped up in you – Garth brooks
school is alright. There’s the big Tech vs. Miami game on saturday, so that is something to look forward to. Angelface will meet smug ellie’s wills for the first time. This is exciting, because angelface hasn’t even seen smug ellie for about a year. It’s time to hop in the car kids – family reunion time!
Dawon’s update: this week jen is supposed to become dawsons girlfriend – again just like when they were fifteen. This thought makes me want to barf.
File this under: finally blogging again
*disclaimer for the kiddies. This one has profanity. I apologize.
In oral traditions we are studying African-American poetry. Last class we stood in a circle, and all forty of us “whooped”, which just means stretching out words and singing them. I introduced myself as “Haaaaaaaani HornHornHorn Hanni Horn”. Then we played “the dozens”, which is basically a verbal sparring match where you have to rhyme “yo momma so bad. i saw her with no pants.. ” and then you talk about why she’s wearing no pants. It was good fun actually. A little awkward though, considering we have one actual African American in our entire class. Everyone else is of the european persuasion.
And my teacher, she is the greatest. Her name is Betty Fine and she has this frizzy yellow hair. She wears pointy witch boots and often accidently bumps into desks and stuff. She is also very shy. She is kind of like a mom lady.
Today we actually read poetry from the black panther movement. This was hilarious as Betty urged us to read along with her. The first work we recited was called a/coltrane/poem. I would like to excerpt: (please forgive the profanity. i am just writing how it is written)
“BRING IN THE WITE/MOTHA/Fuckas
ALL THE MILLIONAIRES/BANKERS/ol
MAIN/LINE/ASS/RISTOCRATS (ALL
THEM SO-CALLED BEAUTIFUL
PEOPLE)
WHO HAVE KILLED
WILL CONTINUE TO KILL US WITH
THEY CAPITALISM….
(JUST SOME MO
CRACKERS FUCKEN OVER OUR MINDS.)”
yes, mom/betty fine was yelling “MOTHA F-ER” and telling us to yell it louder. She even went so far as making us say “SHITTTTTT” twice, because we didn’t say it loud enough the first time.
Our second poem was a little less hate-whitey, more shaft-i’m-one-bad-motha. I have chosen to excerpt the following:
“Rap is my name and love is my game.
I’m the bed tucker the cock plucker the motherfucker
The milkshaker the record breaker the population maker
the gun slinger the baby bringer….
I’m a member of the bathrub club: I’m seenig a whole lot
of ass but i ain’t taking no shit….
And ain’t nothing bad ’bout you but your breath” - Rap’s Poem
File this under: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Did anyone else catch O-Town on MTV’s Brand spankin new music week? Can we say holy hotness?
what a band, what a band,
what a mighty good band….
ooh boys, you so crazy
I think I wanna have yo baby
sung to the tune of Salt-n-Peppers what a man
Anyway, I found this new game that i think is really fun. It’s sponsored by gurl.com and you get to make your own boy band , in kind of in a choose your own adventure type deal.
after failing myserablly at my first attempt with the boy band, “2hottie”, i discovered enormous success with “fallnlove”. Fallnlove is comprised of the Jamie, Joe, Zack and Ricky. There is a class clown, Rich Kid, Mr. sensitive, and a tough guy. They went on to get a number one hit. Here’s how it happened: After seeing them perform at the mall, Bonnie Fluharty falls in love with the dreamy guys in fallnlove. She goes on Ricki Lake’s “Rea-y or Not, I Think You’re Hot!” secret admirer show to try to meet them. When fallnlove come out and perform “ass dance u.s.a.,” Bonnie starts crying and the crowd goes wild. A week later, they’re getting calls from Christina Aguilera’s manager, who sees dollar signs in dynamic stage show and tight butts.
woo hoo! Think you can beat that?
Readers challenge: make the band
So I was clicking around looking for some seasonal wallpaper and found a tasteful harvest gold turkey number. I used my comet cursor to find an appropriate cursor. Originally I was using this little cooked turkey icon. It was all golden brown and sitting on a plate with carrots and broccoli. Out of curiousity, i kind of looked around. Under Easter I found some pink bunnies and colored eggs. And then, like a sign from above i found it – the “Jesus Christ, Ressurection” cursor – as oposed to the “Christ’s Compassion” one.
So the lord is currently my icon. He’s staring at me with those compassionate eyes, and gold halo.
V. inspirational really.
file this under: Jesus in my heart and on my desktop
Look at me, spending time blogging when i have fifty thousand papers to write. I tell you, the sacrafices one makes for an adoring public – they are numerous.
I am becoming increasingly facinated with this girl in my english class. She’s about 5′3″ and has no waist! Additionally, her hair color changes bi weekly, with the shades of coppery orange getting ever more intense with each new dyeing. But worst of all, she has a penchant for flashy spandex tops. There is nothing wrong with flashy spandex,… that is, if you are a sorority girl or hooker. In any event, coppertop, mistaking spandex as an uplift device, refuses to wear a bra and has the saggiest old woman boobs I have ever seen – Well, this is not entirely true. I saw something similar when my 84 year-old grandmother walked out of the shower with the towel wrapped exclusively around her waist. But despite the weird boobage, or maybe because of it, i really like little orphan annie. She is always smiling, and it’s always good to get a shock when she comes in wearing fuschia and yellow baby t’s – keeps me alert for the boring lecture.
Also, i just wanted to say, I have now reached total nerdhood. Prompted by a link on the Dawson’s Creek website, I signed up to have “my favorite Dawson’s Creek Character send me personal emails”. I chose Jen , and today *hurrah* I got my first e. It is as follows: “Hey! Well, after a really hard week of crying my eyes out… I’m back in Boston, alternatively exploring school and new relationships… and all the while worrying about how our friend back home in Capeside is faring. I figure the last thing he wants is people asking him that very question every 20 minutes, so I’ve refrained… I just hope he knows we’ll all be there if and as much as he needs us.
In the mean time, things are going dangerously well with Charlie… I don’t want to trust him too much because in my experience, completely trusting anyone you’re in a relationship with is a recipe for disaster. I’m keeping my fingers crossed…
Anyway, how are you doing?
Love
Jen
Jen loves me!
Life ranking on the nerd – o – meter: 80% and rising fast
New News: I am a prospective Naval officer. According to this letter I got from Naval recruiting today, if i join up i will get “the challenge, responsibility and career growth it takes years to get in the civilian world.” Grandpa was in the navy. that doesn’t really make me want to join though… however, i could still add this to my list of future careers. the list now reads: lawyer, taco bell employee, stripper or naval officer.
Where can you find pleasure, search the world for treasure,
Learn science, technology?
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea?
Where can you learn to fly, play in sports or skindive,
Study oceanography?
Sign up for the big band or sit in the grand stand
When your team and others meet.
In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, the village people
Also New News: grandpa says uncle pat is going to be there too. Uncle pat is a toothless weasle. He is really my least favorite of the relatives. Plus he has beatle hair, and he can’t even play a musical instrument man. needless to say, the thanksgiving experience should be even worse than anticipated. ALSO grandpa now wants to drop me off on MONDAY instead of FRIDAY. well, that is pretty bad cause i’d have to miss class and get fired from my job, which requires me to be back in the building by 10 am sunday.
life ranking on the crap – o – meter: 7.2
For Thanksgiving I’ve made plans to go canoeing with my grandparents in florida. Grandpa is already complaining. Not because he doesn’t love me, but because I have a boyfriend. I know, you’re saying this doesn’t make sense – that there’s no connection between the two. You would be absolutely right. Two years ago I spent thanksgiving with the grandparents. During my stay angelface called once or twice. At that point we had only been on one date, putting us in the friendly/flirtatious stage. In fact, he wasn’t even angelface at that time. He was just that-guy-blake who lives down the hall. Well grandpa has never asked me anything about angelface, and i’m not even sure i have mentioned much to him. He just kind of grumbles about “wouldn’t want to ruin your love life or anything by having you stay.” He is just a little jealous me thinks – in a old man, grandpa way. I worried last year that sending him the christmas picture of me and boyfriend would cause him to have a massive coronary.
to all the [grand] parents with sleepless nights, sleepless nights
tie your kids up to their beds
bleed their heads
Salvation, Cranberries
So I have a huge dilemna concerning the thanksgiving trip. Grandpa is schedualing picking me up and dropping me off around his doctors appointments, which is fine. However, he wants to bring me back on friday, and I am not allowed in my building until sunday. if i am caught in the building before sunday i will be escorted to a hotel, the bill sent to mom and dad. i will be escorted by the cops. When i tried to explain that to grandpa he pulled the old boyfriend card “sorry to ruin your lovelife, but health matters come first,” insinuating that this whole not getting back in my building thing is actually an elaborately constructed conspiracy which will allow me to further my “lovelife.” uhm.. yes… no.
The problem: since i can’t get into my building, i will be homeless if brought back friday. Angelface’s father has invited me to stay in their guest room for the two nights till i can get back to O’Shag. I think this is a good idea, but how to pitch it to grandpa with out causing him to become, like the incredible hulk, v. angry, sweaty, green? (heh.) I will call mom and ask, although am not too happy with mom and co, because the fam. thinks i should waste $20,000 to double major and shouldn’t be taking culture classes like wines and vines and art. I happen to think wines and vines and art will help me in the future when am throwing snobby, upper class parties for my champion poodle.
file this under: my freaky family
