Posts published during October, 2001

it’s a sad day, therefore no funny ancedotes. (sorry kids) However, i will take time to pay tribute to a fabulous poet, and the greatest movie ever, (with the exception of Moulin Rouge), which is four weddings and a funeral

without further ado, here is the mourning poem appropriate for this solemnest of days borrowed from the death scene in 4 weddings.

Stop All the Clocks

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East, my West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

? W.H. Auden

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blue moon

oh lord.

i must admit, the shared bathroom situation in my hall doesn’t bother me. There are four stalls for the forty or so honeys who live around me. for those who dont know, the theme i have chosen for my hall this year is h䮮i’s honeys, so when i refer to honeys i’m refering to my hallmates. Anyway, so i dont mind sharing the four stalls with the forty or so honeys who live with me. usually the b. room is quite empty and noise from the showers creates an almost rainforest atmosphere.

and on certain nights – nights like tonight – nights that i’ve spent reading about the social and political changes in revolutionary china – that time spent on the honey’s rainforest toilet is almost magical. so i’m sitting there reading the pink flyer i posted about a week ago. there is some information about computer labs, and im particularly interested in the computer clip art. the crazy compter has a face and it looks kind of angry. i notice its giving the thumbs up and i’m like that’s creepy, cause i can imagine the angry face saying “you dont like Compaq? well i’ll tell you what you can do miss student lady”.. and this is where the thumbing comes in… “you can shove this up yo ass! – oh and while you’re at it, bring me a sandwhich”

uhm. yes. anyway, its nights like tonight when the shower is running, and no one else is around that you can spend 20 minutes in those stalls. so i’m sitting in my little black cubicle with its porcelain throne and i’m thinking about a lot of things. i’m thinking about my homework, and the email serial killer dad sent me. and i’m thinking about some possible blog topics. then i think about how i’m like dad, because we are both maniacal writers. then i remember this story my dad actually wrote about this cockroach on the wall of this exotic bathroom. and i’m like “wow”, because i’m already thinking up a little story in my head about the toilet and the evil pink computer.

and just when it was getting good, like i’m starting to get a concept, i hear a phone ring. I figure its probably my phone. i mean, of course its my phone. i’m having this wonderful experience with the shower noise and steam and the pink flyer … of course someone’s calling me. it was all too perfect. so then i’m getting a little anxious. i mean, i can hear from the rings that this is a long distance call. it could be one of a number of important people like mom, my friend miss, or angelface who is away for the evening. (sad times)

anyway, long story short, i decide to take my chances and i stay in the stall. however, and this is really v. upsetting, not thirty seconds later someone came into the bathroom and entered the stall right next to mine. at this point i gave up and got off the john. and poor me, whoever called forgot to leave a message on my machine, so now its a blue sunday.

Well, frankly, i’m a litle disappointed. I only got one response to my blight of the creative genius part I submission. That response was as follows: “ I think it means you need to lay off the crack pipe“. Thank you Son of Marx. Anyway, i’m working on putting comment links on every post. Hopefully those will be up in the next week.

Q: what kind of friday night shenanigans is more fun than waxing your moustache?
A: chinese food night at G and Hino “deez nutz” Banzon’s place.

In order to appease the domestic goddess inside, i decided i would cook a dinner for angelface and our group of friends. i chose an old classic and my personal favorite, mom’s chinese. the difficulty in making mom’s chinese is that it requires atleast 15 different ingredients, and a rice cooker. well, after shopping at kroger and owens cafeteria for the mix veggies, broths and starches, i discovered that i’d neglected soy sauce – a key ingredient. so we substituted packets of duck sauce for soy sauce, which, in case you dont know anything about the sauces, soysauce is thin and salty and ducksauce is thick and mucus – like. (Personally, i’m really turned off by the idea of anything that comes from a duck, because ducks are oily and dirty and v. mean with their little toothy beaks)

anyway, the next hurdle in my cooking endeavor was the meat. the meat we had available came in the form of six prepackaged “meat” filets. The filets were frozen and wrapped in bacon. Bacon of course, does not go with chinese. However, the boys insisted we add the bacon to the mix, because “everything tastes good with bacon.” I personally can think of a list of things that do not go with bacon, such as: eggnog, creamed corn, candycanes, brownies, tunafish,hotdogs, icecream, and rocky mountain oysters (the pig nuts thrown in courtesy of Slcknic – who says his nickname should be “the hottest guy on earth”)

The vegetables and rice turned out okay. And so it was that our happy family consisting of me, angelface, deez nutz, drewby and G, with guest appearances by Larry “who let the jew out” Leve, and Besser the craddle robber, ate our nutritious meat by product meal with ducksauce and bacon.

cheers!

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hajimemashite!

i would like to take this opportunity to tell you about teaching special ed. teenage boys with learning disabilities are just as horny as those without. this week at area high schools is spirit week. from monday to friday everyone is expected to wear clothes depending on the special “theme” for the day in anticipation of the homecoming game and dance. yesterday happened to be college day. obviously, i dressed in VT garb. (tomorrow is “farmer brown” day…i will not be participating, as i do not wish to roll in horseshit before heading off to work no matter how authentic a farmer i would make.) right…so, i’m in this classroom with 6 teenage boys. i was explaining that “small” and “little” are synonyms and “tall” and “short” are antonyms in front of the room, writing on the chalkboard. i also basically looked wretched because i took advantage of “college day” and dressed like i would dress for class at tech. yes, hair in knot, jeans, sweatshirt. they were lucky i bothered to shower before arriving. okay, so looking like i just rolled out of bed, i could hear not so subtle comments coming from the boys about my appearance. i soon realized that they were talking about my ass and how they would like to do “things” to it. ew. please guys, don?t touch yourselves in class. so after finishing the lesson one of them came over to my desk and started ?chatting.? he told me all about fixing old cars, his family, and named all the cars he supposedly ?owned.? he also mentioned his job (cleaning office buildings at night) and how exciting it was because it enabled him to travel all over. okay, maybe it?s just me, but i don?t think that culpeper and spotsylvania are all that exciting. anyway, it sounded like a bunch of horseshit to me and another teacher told me he almost never told the truth about anything.

me: mmm?i don?t think that?s true there, buddy.
him: well, it could be.
me: but it?s not
him: but it COULD be.
me: riiight.

i?m just not a huge fan of squashy looking 17 year old liars that slur and have unbrushed teeth (clearly from the amount of plaque caked on them) who want to ?smoke up? and go ?parking? with me. i?m certainly not looking to get hit on but please, couldn?t it at least be from an adult who has goals reaching further than ?getting laid?? truly foul. i did, however try to talk him out of quitting school. we?ll see if he gets his IEP?that?s a special kind of diploma?sort of.

yah?so i?m going to get my eyebrows done and eat a pork chop.

cheers!
smug ellie

So i just woke up and dont have much to say, but i have to tell you about this dream i had. I had a dream that I was following john candy and two tibetan monks around this outdoor festival. it was weird, because john candy has been dead for years and because all three were wearing leiderhosen. Come to think of it, i may have been wearing leiderhosen too… So, we ran into chris rock, who was apparently one of my good friends. well, i told him he if he put o town on his show, i’d fly to la and come visit him. and chris rock asked me “do i have a show?” and i said “yes, but it only airs on four tv sets in this city.” and he was like oh cool, i’ll get o town. I looked back to check on the three amigos in their leiderhosen to flash an excited smile, and the two chinese dudes are holding the most enormous big gulps ever. john candy was craddling a pony keg.

what does it mean? I would love to hear your interpretation email hanni@vt.edu and i will post them!

Today was a Japanese winter type day. I’m suspicious that we are on the same parallel as sabae, japan. when i lived there I went to takefu higashi high school were i took classes like cooking, tennis and jump roping. unfortunately, i didn’t recieve exemplary marks in any of those courses.

On a totally unrelated note, here is the dawsons interview that i promised. I felt really weird reading about the new season. Supposedly they have left the confines of wilmington, nc and are shooting in boston and la. i dont like this idea. i feel it going the way of saved by the bell the college years , which i’m sure anyone who grew up watching the early nineties high school episodes, would say the college version was subpar at best. dawsons going to college breaks my heart. now i know how mom felt when i left for college. i love you mom.

well i can’t talk about dawsons anymore, the tears are gathering and i have that scratchy feeling in my throat.

here is something to cheer us: ebay shenanigans

and something for free: Dave is giving away crap and junk on his website. Click the lower right hand of the site under “daves prizeland” or “hey cybergeeks”.. something like that.

Shout outs: to the ones i love

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sexual healing

So I dont usually talk about class, because frankly, when i’m not in class i dont like to think about it. But I just want to say something about my tibetan culture class. We talked about medicine and the process of conception today. sex ed tibetan style involves a lot of wind, fire, bile and phlegm. My favorite line was something like “a womans desire for a man during the time of menstruation is evident through facial ugliness (ie. flaccidity)” so you think we want men when we are fat and ugly? Not likely my dear. but gave me something to smile at.

also S.H.I.T. my staff development organization is alive and well. yes folks, i have created a legacy. The queen of S.H.I.T., i am.

also got this interesting interview about dawsons creek. wont linke right now. am too busy caring for my angelface. ciao!